THE REAL REASON YOU FEEL “UNHAPPY”

A few years ago, I came to the realization that the real cause of misery is often rooted in our definition of happiness, which became a staple in our minds. Anything that doesn’t fit in that box is widely defined by society as “not happy.” Therefore, your definition of happiness is often the real reason you feel “unhappy.” I encourage you to redefine “happiness” with me and get out of the never-ending “pursuit of happiness” race that none of us can win. Let's get started.

We often associate happiness with the following two things:

(1) It is an end goal

(2) It is everlasting/permanent

The above definition of happiness is a big misconception that was further cemented by phrases such as “happily ever after”, “fairy-tale ending”, etc. and is most certainly unachievable.

Happiness is an emotion, and just like any emotion it is conditional AND temporary.

In reality, you might be happy 20 times a day: when you get a compliment, when you eat your favorite food, when you successfully handle some of your responsibilities at work, and many more other things and situations that make us experience the emotion of happiness.

And that’s about it. There is no final destination, there is no permanent feeling. 

Life is a constant mix of emotions that come and go. Once you realize that, you stop wasting your mental energy on chasing something you can never find.

You will also realize that there is absolutely nothing wrong with “unhappy” emotions — they come and go just like the happy ones.

We were not designed to only experience positive or negative emotions. We were designed to keep experiencing both. That’s how we learn, evolve, survive and most importantly, stay human and stay real.

So, stop asking yourself “Am I happy?” or “When will I find my happiness?” Those questions are rather misleading. 

Instead, ask yourself: “Am I at peace?” Peace is what you’re really after. It’s steady, it grounds you in the present and allows you to accept the unavoidable ebbs and flows of life.

But most importantly, unlike happiness, which often relies on external factors, peace is internal. Therefore, you can have full control over it.